I will likely eat crow with this hot take…but I’m gonna take a pass on the hoopla surrounding the Oasis reunion. My position actually goes against most of the principals I stand for, musically. For starters, they’re a rock band. And I am a rock band advocate of the highest order. Save the rock band! For they are an endangered species these days.

Oasis retained the two things that are essential for a rock band reunion – they still have their hair, and they maintained their waistline. No joke – as much as anything, reunions are a nostalgia-driven mirror we hold up to see the performers maintaining similar shape and dimensions to when we remember them best. If they look old, fat and bald, so do we. And that’s no fun. The Gallagher brothers seem to have held up pretty well. Good for them.

Oasis also fulfills my rock band friction theory about as well as anyone. The best bands usually have an internal rivalry that keeps their members continuing to strive to make great music. John and Paul spent the 60s trying to one up each other. Mick had Keith. Sting had two other band members who hated his guts that he had to prove himself to. There are exceptions to be sure, but the list goes on. Every good story needs a juicy conflict, and the brotherly Oasis rivalry is about as juicy as a sumo orange on a summer day.

I’m still out.

This is a money grab if there ever was one. Get ready for enormous football stadiums, with nosebleed seats over $250 while the rich folks are parked down in the $1,000+ sections. Fans are coming for the hits, but it should be noted that Oasis had exactly TWO great albums, THIRTY years ago – Definitely Maybe (1993), (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? (1994). At that point they thought their shit didn’t stink, claimed themselves to be the greatest band since the Beatles, and promptly released SEVEN shitty studio albums, each one as forgettable as the last. The rivalry thing is almost too extreme with them, with the brothers surely still hating each other, traveling in separate vehicles, only seeing each other when they’re on stage. The whole thing wreaks of a lazy retread with no regard for the fans. Are we sure they are really trying to prove they are still a great band? They haven’t been a great band since the Clinton administration. At least when the Stones or U2 come around, you know they still have an edge (pun intended?) to prove their place in the popular music zeitgeist. I’m not so sure that is the case with Oasis. I guess I’m looking back in anger…sorry.

To be fair, they (or more likely their representatives) had perfect timing for this tour. There is a yearning for 90’s nostalgia these days, and most of the biggest bands of the decade either never went away (Pearl Jam, U2, Green Day, Weezer, Red Hot Chili Peppers), or disappeared decades ago, usually due to band members not surviving (Nirvana, Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, Beastie Boys). Their reunion announcement was met with adoring fans generally posting oh yeah, I loooooove Oasis. As corny as it sounds, I’m looking at Oasis as their name suggests – an illusory fertile spring in a barren desert, disappearing as you get closer.